Great News! My second book 'Joy in Place of Grief', chronicles of my period of profound and intense grief is now complete awaiting publishing. I pray it brings much needed understanding to the concept of twinship and how profound the loss can be, here is an excerpt:
"It is suggested by Mary R. Morgan, L.M.S.W. in “The Bereavement Process for Twinless Twins” that:
"Twins begin their identify formation in the womb. Whether fraternal or identical, they receive different stimuli and resources in the womb environment and, therefore, have different experiences that affect their fetal development. But from their cellular origins, they are ushered into the womb in relationship, both to their mother and to each other.
And early on, they begin to show distinct, individual, and also interactive patterns of behavior and temperament, which have been observed and documented by researchers with the use of ultra-sonography. These patterns are often repeated after birth. I think it is fair to say that the rudiments of separate identity and relationship formation in twins have been clearly identified through ultrasound during the womb experience."
One question people ask me is: "Were you very close to her", with respect that is not the point, the point is better explained below:
"Twins will often turn to each other for the comfort and nurturing they might have missed. They tend to meet each other’s social needs, and as a result, often experience fewer outside interactions than other children do in early childhood. This makes it more difficult for them to obtain a sense of themselves as separate individuals and hence, to form and consolidate their own identities. Twins, therefore, often separate and individuate in later stages of psychological development; ........."
It adds:
"An effective healing process is an active process. It entails being present for, and actively engaged in, the grieving process as it unfolds naturally within us. Sadly, our culture does not readily support or give adequate time for the healing process that nature officers us. As a result, we must reach out to find ways to engage and support it and ourselves. It is very important to understand and accept that periods of numbness, pain, fear, disconnection, despair, sadness, anger and guilt, as well as the whole range of human emotions, are common stepping stones along the healing path of loss. This path unfolds before us in an uneven, repetitive and seemingly cyclical way. We can feel we have finally moved to being able to cope and be present on any given day, and then be unexpectedly jerked back again by a sight, a piece of music, or maybe a smell, into a memory that holds pain and loss. The up and down emotional waves of our grief are a natural characteristic of the healing path. The psyche knows what needs to be revealed and when. It is as if all the corners of the twin relationship that we lost must be engaged and borne witness to."
